We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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