That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
FUCK WHALES
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
