She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
