my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
