i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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