you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
