it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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