I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
