I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
