We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
