Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
Little spoons don't ask big questions
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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