"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Randomize
