Hey man sorry I got all grabby
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
