I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
