I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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