...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
