hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
