We should be called the Road Head Warriors
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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