I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
