You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
