you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
They are going to name an STD after you.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
