Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
