i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
