My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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