google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
