i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
The feeling are messing with the penis
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
