i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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