I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize
