It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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