I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Randomize
