I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
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