If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
