Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
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