Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
