Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Randomize
