at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
