so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Im part way to drunk.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Randomize
