peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
