Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
My life is pants optional.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
