i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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