Where did you get a picture of my penis
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Randomize
