Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
