I cockslap morals
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize