if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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