Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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