and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
