Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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