My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
