I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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