i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Randomize
