Taylor Swift is so right about you.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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