I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
