yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
We had to coat check the pizza.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
