half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Randomize
