I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
