You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
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