So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
