I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
