Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
