Plan B is the new Plan A
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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