I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
that's an acceptable place to lick
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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