how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
