You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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