Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
