apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
